Dating a widowed father
(A LOT lot.) It still seems like an insult to my friends who are widowed men (who are frequently outraged by these blogs) to admit that there is something there... Perhaps men are more frequently bad daters, overall? There is certainly scads and scads of material about dating divorced men...
but those men are so prevalent it would be impossible to avoid them. it IS possible to avoid dating widowers, and look at all this advice on WHY.
It didn't go well, but it had nothing to do with his loss.) So I tend to wonder, why is there no comparable community (and books) for those dating widowed WOMEN,given that they are 7/8ths of the widowed population?
(Annie and Able share their thoughts on this here).
No one can replace your deceased parent, but your surviving parent deserves companionship and love.
Sometimes after a loss, the surviving parent reverts to a child-like role, relying on the adult child in ways he or she did not before.
Your previously prudish mother who ran background checks on your high school boyfriend (and his parents) may decide it's a good idea to invite a man she met online to fly across the country and stay at her house for two weeks.
While you may be thinking "Craigslist Killer," your parent is an adult, and can make his or her own decisions, or mistakes.
Abel is far from the only author tackling this subject: in addition to his two books, Dating a Widower and Marrying a Widower, there is Julie Donner Anderson's Past: Perfect! and that knowing how few men under 55 are widowed compared to women (at one time Social Security told me it was 1 man to 7 women) makes me quite skeptical...
Remember how much you cared whether your parents liked your high school boyfriend or girlfriend?
That is exactly how much your widowed parent (and his or her significant other) care whether or not you approve of their relationship--not at all.
Your dad has been defined throughout your whole life through marriage to your mother, as father to you.
Imagine how nerve-wracking and terrifying it must be to find yourself alone after many years of marriage, without a touchstone or witness to your life, all while mourning an immense loss, and try to have sympathy for your parent.
To be honest I have been pretty suspicious of these areas in part because when I was dating, at 40 ... To me, the only relevant person to compare a widower's baggage to was... (I mostly restricted my searches to men who had been parents, because I had a young child and needed someone who'd understand that if I cancelled a date due to flu that he shouldn't take it personally... prejudices which had been confirmed by experience.).